Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
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PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
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I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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