Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
