it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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