there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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