he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
