He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
