oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize