Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
false alarm, still single
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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