So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
