I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
