You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
