how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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