it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
