Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
