Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
