Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
