she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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