All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
