I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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