i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
