I cannot find my penis.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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