ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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