I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
