there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
