totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
