My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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