I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
