Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
