And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
