I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
