ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
