i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
