life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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