My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
