hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
