Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
