You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
