You're my little dorito
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
