We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
