Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so explain again why im purple
no
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
