I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
