I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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