Got a toothbrush?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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