I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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