are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
