My liver just broke up with me...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
