so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
