ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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