I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
