Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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