: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
