Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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