The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
