I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize