So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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