It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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