omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
