My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
