I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
