New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
