I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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