I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
